In 2002 I will:

          Resolution 1

Not wait till the last second to do a Dilbert's Corner for GreyEyes. No more procrastinating. Starting tomorrow,
or next week some time, I will stop procrastinating.
         
           Resolution 2

I will lose weight. It will be as soon as all the leftover Christmas sweets are gone. That cheesecake will also have to

be gotten rid of and it would be a shame to throw it away. I can't forget about all that Christmas candy either. As soon

as all that stuff is gone I am definitely going to start a diet and lose weight.

            Resolution 3

I'm going to get more exercise. I'm going to get rid of this mini-refrigerator under my computer desk. The walk to the

kitchen to get food and drinks will be good for my cardiovascular system.

           Resolution 4

I will spent more time with the family and less time on the computer. I will start as soon and I answer these 12 emails

and I get done searching the web to see if anyone has posted any new pictures of incredibly beautiful women who are

scantily clad.

          Resolution 5

I will not do things that are humanely impossible. That means that I will totally disregard the first 4 resolutions.  I feel better

already.

I live in North Seattle, our principle import is Californians and out principle export is Ennui.  I work for a dotcom

that shall remain nameless (Hint: It's a drugstore.) and most of my family lives back in Alaska, where I was born and

lived until eventually escaping, as is the duty of every Alaskan child.  I have no pets because I am allergic to both fur

and feathers and don't think I'd remember to feed and water another lifeform that wasn't capable of coming up to me

and informing me that it wanted something.  My hobbies are role-playing games, watching movies, getting stronger so the

world will end, living on reds, vitamin C and cocaine, and swabbing door handles of cop cars with DMSO mixed with LSD.

 

Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Would others agree with your assessment of yourself?

I tend toward extroversion.  It depends on the people I'm around, really.  Someone once said that I change masks too

often and too quickly to get an accurate reading of my personality, and I think that's about right.

What would be the title of your official biography?

Hit The Ground Running.  Yes, I've thought about this a bit.

What is your all-time favourite movie, book, song, music group, author or actor?

Movie: The Great Escape
Book: The Hichhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Song:  King of Spain
Group:  Moxy Frűvous
Author: Unfortunately, Douglas Adams is no longer with us.  (Those in the Seattle area can see my tribute to him

by the payphone at Beth's Café.)  As for living authors, I like John Sandford's "Prey" novels and whomever writes

the "Tom Clancy's Power Plays" books.  (It's not Tom Clancy himself.  His name's in big letters on the front, but he

gets a "Created by" credit on the books themselves.)

If a fellow AIHer were to meet you face-to-face for the first time, what do you think would be their initial mental

impression of you?

I imagine it'd be something like the Nazis after opening the Ark of the Covenant.

 

Where do you go if you want some peace and quiet?

Beth's Café on Aurora in Seattle, Washington.  Open 24 Hours, home of the 12-egg omelet and bottomless hashbrowns. 

(This probably ISN'T going to get me a free meal, is it?  Ah, well.)

Do you have a life-long best friend?

That's the only kind of friend I make.

Do you live near an internationally famous landmark or monument?

Well, contrary to what the movies would have you believe, you CAN'T see the Space Needle from everywhere in Seattle,

but it's about a 20 minute drive from here.

What instantly comes to mind when you hear someone say, "Let's go camping!"?

Sorry, I like walls between me and nature.

Can you think of a book that has directly influenced your life?

"To Your Scattered Bodies Go" by Philip Jose Farmer.  It came into my life at just the right time: 15 and just

beginning to question everything I'd always been taught, it gave me more questions to consider.

Cell phones - necessity or annoyance?

A symbol of what's wrong with America and why we're truly living in the final days of Rome.

In what ways has the Internet impacted your life?

"Impacted" is the wrong word.  "Assimilated" would be better.

Do you have any heroes?

George Carlin, Bob the Angry Flower, Batman, James Bond and the protagonist of the Grand Theft Auto games.

Have you ever taken a trip alone?

Like, to the Center of The Mind, or to Portland?  The answer to both is Yes.

Do you have a particular pet peeve?

People who say "WhatEVER" and broken fingernails.

What is your favourite sandwich?

Subway: Meatball and cheese with extra mustard.
At Home: What's known around these parts as a British Sub.  Roast beef, ham, turkey and cheddar.

Do you have a childhood nickname that has followed you through adulthood?

Doctor X

When you look in a mirror, what do you see?

Nothing.  (I have a similar problem with not showing up on film.)

If you were asked to volunteer to fight for your country, would you?

Certainly, though I'd hope it would be recognized that my talents belong in intelligence rather than in the field with

a gun.  I respect those who do so, just don't believe I'm up to it.

 

 

 

Ask Uncle Millard

Even aliases can have good advice. If they've taken their pills. But I usually haven't. I don't know what my point was

there.

CurlyBen's Wife - why oh why do i not want to eat ive spent the last few days very sick my head feels like
its part of the toilet and now i dont want food, what do you suggest uncle millie ?

CBW - I suggest my surefire hangover sure - 3 glasses of water, a package of powdered jello mix, and 7 fried
eggs. That may be my recipe for piles, actually.


SamHill - Dear Uncle Millard: I have recently discovered that the world is not to my liking. Is there anything you

can do?

Sam - Remember the world is constantly filled with oddities and new fasinating things you've never seen, there is

adventure waiting at your doorstep every morning. Try waking up tomorrow, eating 7 haldols, 6 fried eggs and a 5th

of whiskey, and go to the train station without your pants.

Blizzard - blah blah blah

Blizzard - No. I can't hear you, you're blocked.

Dear Mr. Fillmore,
I have been told that I do not suffer fools gladly. Is this a bad thing?
MSaligned

MSaligned - Never get angry at stupid people.

JC - I've always found your advice to be wonderful in the past (you're the only one who seems to understand
me) so I hope you can help me with this new problem. I recently got a research grant to study the mating patterns

of scizophrenic lemmings, but to make use of the grant I'd have to go live amongst the lemmings for
six months (like Diane Fossey did with the gorillas). I wouldn't mind except that my friend Bob really needs
me right now. He was recently arrested for violating a plastic flamingo and people in small towns can be very
judgmental about little things like that. So do I give up a wonderful lemming-related opportunity to nurture
a friend whose only crime is a fetish for garden ornaments? Or do I take the opportunity to live among
the rodents and leave Bob alone to suffer the puritanical scorn of his flamingo-phobic neighbours?

JC - I think I love you. Please ask your friend to return my plastic flamingos.

Unsolicited Advice - Evi**i, webcams in your shower may not be the best way to pick up girls. Please stop
mailing my mother the URL. And stop disappearing from AIH for long stretches without notifying the proper authorities.

Please follow policy and procedure in the future.

 

                                                           Thoughts by vangar....           

The place is in ruins.
In the distance a baby screams in hunger,
A child cries in fear.
Mothers weep for peace,
Fathers moan in pain.
The lucky ones don’t move,
For them the fight is over.
In the background shots still ring,
Gunpowder is heavy in the air.
Then quiet. All is still.
The calm before the storm.
Then it happens,
Again.
The whistle overhead, The shouts of panic.
More still bodies, More carnage.
Will it ever end?
For some, maybe.